Welcome to 2008, Part 2: Dietary Information
Please note the recent important changes in dietary advice.
Red meats, which were previously associated with high blood pressure leading to heart conditions, are now okay. It's carbohydrates that are bad. Eat meat, but leave the potatoes at home.
Note that milk no longer "does a body good." In fact, it is now widely believed that people over the age of about 5 years lack the enzymes to digest it properly.
Corn syrup is not, apparently, at the heart of the American obesity problem. This and other exciting "facts" ("Contrary to its name, high fructose corn syrup is not high in fructose") can be found at the Corn Syrup Website.
Saturated fats, the so called "bad" fats that are found in various greasy things like the no-longer-evil red meat, are no longer anything to worry about. Well, maybe they are, but we don't worry about them, because...
"Trans" fats must certainly be much worse, as evidenced by the large number of food packages which now proclaim that they don't contain any. Nobody knows what trans fats are or if they even exist, but because your favourite foods don't contain them, you should feel secure. Phew.
Update: My dad sends this critical additional information: